I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I touched a dick in church today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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