why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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