Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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