Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
