if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
