How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
