If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
