Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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