I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
