guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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