Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
