dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
