please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
