: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
