Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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