My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We got so high we made milksteak
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
