Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
