I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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