I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
