Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
