Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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