Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
