everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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