I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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