Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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