census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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