you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
