my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
