I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
