Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had sex on a roof
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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