brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
