He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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