didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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