I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
