just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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