note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
