maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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