Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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