So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
