omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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