It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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