i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
