All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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