You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
