the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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