i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
