OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
