i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
