hotel room ftw
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
