I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize