That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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