I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
