Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
