Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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