i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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