You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
