If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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