Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
