And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
