Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
