I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I looked at my own cervix.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
