Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
