He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
