Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
